15 February 2026

Being a college senior is exhausting. Big up to all the folks 20 years younger than me who go through this. At their age, I would’ve already given up, probably getting wasted every night. It’s hard work, for sure. As such, I haven’t posted anything here in a while.

Admittedly, I have had a little stage fright, and I lost the point of this space. It only takes having a handful of views on each of my pieces to make my skin crawl. It’s weird, yeah, but it is what it is. The point is, I put this space up for me to catalog my thoughts. Part of that process is opening up. If people enjoy reading my nonsense, that’s great!

UPDATE: Today is the 28th, and I just found this in my documents folder. Oops. Anyway, this is going to just be a bit of a mess, and I intend on jumping around. To get back to school for a moment, I wrote this on the 18th of February from my classroom before the start of my Asian philosophy course. It’s a little bitchy, but that was how I felt in the moment:

This little shithead steals my seat every few classes. I’m going to start showing up even earlier to reclaim what is mine. Asshole. I’m sitting in class right now, early and depressed. So depressed.

Being a senior is hard. I heard this, but now I know. All my drive, effort, and determination that even put me in this position have been completely ground to dust. I’m tired, I’m behind by a week in one of my classes, and I am trying really hard to keep giving a shit. 

I have one more semester after this, but I already finished all of my required courses, if we include this semester, so in the Fall, I just kind of get to take whatever I want. Let’s see if I make it.

I’m dragging ass, and the seat thief won’t stop vibrating his leg. He said he was sorry, but I don’t believe him.

The class I’m sitting in is a required philosophy course for my major. We are studying ancient Chinese classical reading and the philosophy that surrounds it. We got Kongzi, Mozi, and so much more! It’s a nice class. Honestly, I have sociology requirements, and those are the courses that have burned me out. Don’t get me wrong, they have absolutely changed my worldview, and I am ever thankful. I am also done discussing the sociology of complex organizations, aging, city life, country life, and anything else. I have been indoctrinated by those with empathy, and I feel like I can look at things from so many angles now.

I smoked a whole fatty to my face before walking into class today. It’s not something I do every time, but today was a good day for it. I get three unexcused absences in this course, and I have already racked 3 up in a month. Fuck it. Let’s get stoned.

I have almost straight As throughout my tenure in college, and I just don’t care anymore. 

Yeah, I’ve been dealing with a little depression. My wife was also out of town, and I just kind of got lost in my own head. It happens from time to time when I am left alone for extended periods. Nonetheless, being separated for weeks at a time is not unusual, as my wife and I both allow one another to pursue independent projects, and I think that’s beautiful.

Still, it fucks with me sometimes.

I start reassessing my entire life in a dark house, and shit gets weird. The house isn’t dark just because I’m down; it also saves on electricity. Typically, when my wife is gone for an extended period, our bill absolutely plummets. Aside from my computer and a few lights, I don’t ever have much else going on aside from my bright, plant-filled, spare room.

I’m very excited, and before I go further, I want to let all the other growers out there know that this was a controlled indoor space, one that I have grown one male and three female marijuana plants. It’s a seed harvest, baby! Let’s go!

Just in time for the Spring too. I have a spot in my yard that has incredible soil, and the last time I planted outside, I had four plants, three of which were roughly 10 feet tall. Harvesting and trimming them turned into a spiritual event, with a perpetually packed bong and Mac Miller on repeat. My mother-in-law may be cooking something up this year as well. Last year, she had a massive harvest, even though some of the plants got sick and needed to be thrown out. It was a bummer, man.

Anyway, I’m going to grow in that spot and put in some dahlia bulbs as well. My wife loves them. 

On the writing front, I’ve been exhausted from school, so I haven’t done as much as I would’ve liked. That being said, I have been working on these white trash deep-dive short stories under a pen name. I think the first few have come out well. I try to keep the character grounded. I’m not above these folks, I am them. 

The idea is to give a humorous but humble perspective where I can show people what living in this culture is all about. Some people want to know what coming of age in a trailer park is all about. I’m your guy. I drove $500 cars, got fucked up in the woods, and lived that hilltown and milltown trailer park life. Some of the stories are just so absurd that I wish to distance myself from real people, names, and places, which is where the pen name comes in. Some stories also definitely contain instances where I acted like a complete idiot.

My first night when I moved in at 18 I hit my neighbor’s roof with a beer can.

I went to a neighborhood association meeting, and that was what sparked the idea. I’ve been working on it ever since. 

As for the chair thief. I just sat closer to him, and it appears that something about me has caused him to abandon his false claims. Thank you, tanky dad bod, I guess!

I’m going to go try and wrap my head around some Mencius now.

Peace and love,

JTC