I bought a fancy typewriter-style keyboard, and this is its test run. I have mentioned previously how my mom bought me a typewriter when I was a kid, and how it fired me up for writing. I figured picking up this keyboard might fill me with the type of creative light that I have been searching for. I guess there is only one way to find out, and that’s to write something, baby!

As I sit here writing this, directly behind me sits a massive library of video games, spanning from the Atari 2600 and ColecoVision to more modern consoles, such as PS4 and the Switch. I don’t really write extensively about video games, despite owning thousands of them. The way I see it, the gaming world doesn’t need another 40-year-old trying to convince people that Friday the 13^th on the NES “isn’t that bad” or whatever, and I don’t want to join them.

Even with over 300 NES games, a curated collection of around 80 PS2 greats, and more, I often find myself playing PC games, specifically on Steam. I love my old games. Every time I manage to sit down in front of my old school TV and play something, I enjoy every second.

So why would I rather play a less enjoyable game on my PC?

I used to assume it was the ease of access that drew me to playing games on PC, but even after going out of my way to make all of my systems, except the ColecoVision, ready to be played at a moment’s notice, I still fiddle around on Steam. Hell, even if I have a game on a different platform or service, such as Good Old Games, I will buy it again on Steam.

Like I said, I used to believe this was just about the accessibility, as I am often already at my desktop, but I don’t think so now. What I do think is that my Steam friends list is one of the only ways I stay in contact with anybody. My friend who came to my wedding was invited via Steam Messenger after we hadn’t spoken in years.

The funny part about this is that I never play games online, and I keep my profile set to look offline, so nobody bothers me. Connections have to be on my terms, of course.

Still, even though I rarely have direct discussions with my friends on Steam, my phone is always on do not disturb, and unless it’s written correspondence, like an Email, I can’t be bothered. I am both forgetful and completely afraid to share any details of my life with people I know. This combination makes getting in touch with me difficult.

Seeing those people that I have known for years on that list and wondering if they ever check my profile to see what I have been playing brings some weird emotion up. Sadness, maybe, but a kind of sadness that you are afraid to let go of, due to how long it has been a part of you.

Depression loves to make me avoid things I love, and forcing myself to play games on a single platform while I can spin my chair around and be in a museum of gaming history is a perfect example.

Honestly, any time I talk to my cousin, he talks down to me like I am an imbecile, so I probably shouldn’t give a shit if he is interested in the hours I have racked up in Field of Glory: Empires.

So, there you go, folks. I’m so desperate to cling to pieces of my past that I can’t even play the video games that I want to. It sounds pretty stupid when I write it out, but it is what it is. Please, anybody, be interested enough in my life to look. I have dancing cockroaches on my profile and everything.

Hello?

This keyboard has blown my balls off! What a treat writing this was.

Stay crescent fresh,

J.T.C.