One of the most iconic entertainers in American history passed away today, and that was Hulk Hogan.

I, like many children of the 80s, don’t know what I am feeling right now. So many of us, including myself, were Hulkamaniacs. I’ve mentioned it before, but I was so into Hogan that I rented every one of his videos from the local video store, and even convinced my dad to get me a bandana with “Hulk Rules” plastered on it in big yellow letters. I wore that bandana to go and wave at troops returning from the first Gulf War.

As I grew out of Hulkamania and became an angsty teen, Hogan managed to draw me back in when he formed the nWo and became a bad guy in the mid-90s. The Hulkster was so good, he hooked me twice.

I had a toy ring, Hulkster action figures, a replica title belt made of plastic and foam, and even the Wrestling Challenge board game. I loved wrestling, and I loved Hogan most of all. I even went to see him live. He defeated Jake “The Snake” Roberts that night.

When he lost to the Ultimate Warrior at WrestleMania VI, I was shattered.

Following full-time wrestling, he had a reality show called Hogan Knows Best, but I have only seen small pieces of it. Following Hogan Knows Best, the Hulkster was filmed using racial epithets in a very aggressive manner. He was charged up about his daughter dating a Black man, and the words he said destroyed my image of Hogan forever.

I am not alone in this mindset either. Many of us Hulkamaniacs mourned the loss of our icon a decade ago when we found out he was racist.

I’m wading into the race pool here even though I am a White dude, so please be patient. I have a comment section as well as an email at the bottom of the page if anybody has anything to say.

Some White people have a weird relationship with racism, including myself, especially when it comes to separating art from the artist. H.P. Lovecraft has millions of fans, and Eric Clapton is widely considered a legend despite being a White supremacist. I am sure I’m missing people, but you get the idea.

I’m a literature major, so I have read a lot of Lovecraft involuntarily. He often associates far-flung non-White cultures, such as Inuit, with spooky rituals and forbidden knowledge. He also makes the majority of non-Whites in his work, such as the previously mentioned Inuit, “savages”.

Even so, people adore Lovecraft. While he has a talent for creating incredible worlds, every unfortunately named cat or subhuman description of a person takes me so far out of it that I can’t enjoy his work. For everyone reading this and thinking it was a different time, not quite. Lovecraft was extreme in his racism, even amongst his contemporaries.

I’m from rural America, and I knew children who used racist language, but as we grow and get outside of that little White bubble, many of us completely regret being a stupid kid and push forward to be more understanding of other people and cultures besides one’s own.

So, what the fuck is Hulk Hogan’s excuse?

He traveled across the planet working with every race and nationality in wrestling, and even after doing that for his entire career, he still indiscriminately hated Black people.

Seeing a part of my childhood disappear is a nice reminder that Father Time is always there. That being said, I’m not as sad as I thought I would be. While  I almost feel guilty that I turned my back on Hulk Hogan, I’m not sad. The last celebrity death that gave me all sorts of mixed emotions was DMX’s, but this is even weirder.

Anyway, if you are a former Hulkamaniac turned tolerant person like me, consider donating even a few bucks to the United Negro College Fund in memoriam. Nothing would scare the Hulkster more than giving Black people easier access to education.

I will leave you with this. For a little while now, I’ve been making these wrestling promo-style pump-up videos for my wife. I send them to her throughout the day, but I never show anybody else. Until today, Brother.

While I mention Hulk Hogan, my character seems to veer into the Macho-Man as well as a generic 80s wrestler at times. Thankfully, my wife is in her early 30s and doesn’t know the difference.

Stay crescent fresh,

J.T.C.